The summer holidays are upon us. My wardrobe is bulging, but I can hardly find anything in there that still suits me. There were, however, many items of clothing where I thought ‘I’m going to love that again’ or ‘I’ll fit into that again’. I found it unthinkable to throw things away when there’s nothing wrong with them, simply because ‘something didn’t suit or fit me anymore’.
Mixed messages
As a child, I often heard at home that nothing should ever go to waste. For instance, we had to finish what was on our plate because there were other children in the world who were starving. Also, when it came to clothing, it didn’t seem appropriate to follow a feeling, a desire or a trend.
Clothing that didn’t exactly fit could be ‘adjusted’ in one way or another. A hole in a pair of pants or in a t-shirt could be ‘plugged’. That’s also why I’ve got a sewing machine at home and am quite a dab hand with needle and thread. This regularly comes in handy, something for which I am grateful.
However, it was awkward when I began to realise as a teenager that my friends and classmates were more aware of fashions and trends. My generation was bombarded with brands such as Chippie, Naf Naf, Oilily … or just think about the Millet puffer jackets. At home, we really didn’t go in for that. My mum sometimes made my pants, something that wasn’t lost on my fourteen-year-old self. I had to suffer several caustic remarks and even bullying – nothing extreme, but painful enough to leave their marks.
After all, my ‘system’ was receiving mixed messages. On the one hand, messages from the home front, which provided for my daily needs and requirements, that simple and homemade is the best and that you can’t simply throw things away that aren’t worn out,… On the other hand, messages from my peers who were of the opinion that you had to follow trends in order to fit in and who made it quite clear when I didn’t comply.
Guilt and shame
My FrikUnik believed that I had to be able to embrace both ways of thinking in order to survive. This ambiguity saddled me with feelings of guilt and shame. I was ashamed when I went to school wearing my homemade pants, even when the wide, linen pants gave me quite a bohemian and artsy feeling. And I felt guilty about this sense of shame because I knew how much love my mum put into making these clothes. Suffice to say that I had a complex relationship with fashions and trends.
I therefore recently decided to put an end to this. The insight into the stories from my FrikUnik ensured that I was able, without any feelings of guilt or shame, to make five laundry baskets’ worth of space for who I am now, for what I love, for how my body is now … After all, I’m worthy of having things that suit me.
Not to worry: my daughters came ‘shopping’, the racks in the charity shop were filled up and even the textile container received a part. I did keep the Mango cardigan that I once bought as a 14-year-old as a reminder of the road that I have travelled.
Because i'm worth it