2014 was a tipping point in my life. Caught in a negative spiral of thoughts, I got completely stuck and crashed. It was a simple question of someone in the gym that completely unexpectedly brought me to tears.
I was officially in a burnout. And how grateful I still am that actually happened to me.
Aware, but still in my head
My recovery initially began with conversational therapy and taking anti-depressants. But at the same time, I was exploring all kinds of alternative paths. For instance, I participated in a mindfulness course and got to know transcendental meditation.
But I also devoured self-help books, workshops, webinars and online courses by the dozen.
Convinced of the benefits of meditation and being more mindful and conscious in life, it wasn’t a task to work on it daily. I felt better, went back to work and was able to move forward. Or at least so I thought,…
Until in 2021 I once again ran into trouble. This time, the symptoms were predominantly physical: extreme tiredness, all kinds of ailments and discomforts. My body was trying to tell me something and I was forced to listen.
Out of my head and into my body
One of my biggest tutors in this challenging period was my dog, Max. We had only adopted him a few months before as emotional support for our youngest daughter. But he actually helped me just as much.
He made me realise what it means to be really ‘mindful’ in the here and now. To just observe, listen, feel,…: in short, to be. Away from all the tales and thoughts in my head, but close by myself, my senses, my body, my soul. He ensured that I was obliged to go outside more and get into nature. And he reminded me how much joy it brings to connect with this caring and healing energy.
Regular breathwork sessions and walks in nature with my dog were crucial for my (second) recovery. As such, I finally stopped taking anti-depressants after eight years. I felt lighter, more alive, more like myself.
Even now, Max and I often go out together and he helps me to “lose my mind”, to get out of my head and into my body.
And into the forest I go
to lose my mind and find my soul